ASHINESS click here:

Usually part of being a nerd is not being on top of some facet of your "aesthetic game"... clothes, glasses, hair, etc. For black nerds this may also take the form of untreated ashy skin. If you really want to up your nerdSWAGGER, then expose those ashy knees and elbows.

BATHROOM FINGER click here:

Here's another treat for all of the chrurch nerds out there... specifically black protestant church nerds. As you are aware there is a proper way to move from your church pew to the bathroom in the middle of a church service... with your "pointer finger" pointed up. Why is this the black church bathroom ritual? I haerd that it traces back to slavery days, but I am not sure if that is the official story. the only thing we can say for sure is that it has magical powers that makes one invisible while exiting a worship service.

If you are visiting a black church this Sunday, feel free to use the bathroom finger & impress everyone with your proper church etiquette. I have actually caught myself instinctually throwing up the bathroom finger at my own home when excusing myself from dinner with company.

DEACON'S BENCH click here:

What's so special about an old wooden bench? Well if you are a serious church nerd then you may have been on the "junior deacon board." If so, then this bench was the future that you aspired to obtain. It is the Senior Deacon's bench on the side of the pulpit at church... where the real power sits.

NEW BALANCE click here:

Regular black people have been on a history-long boycott of the New Balance shoe company. What did they do? They created ugly sneakers. Yes sneakers are supposed to help you excercise and/or be comfortable. However they are also supposed to make kids look cool. New Balance sneakers are kryptonite to being a cool black kid. So if you are young and black and have a pair of these then I regret to inform you that you have no chance of ever being cool. Now finish enjoying your evening jog, upon which you will retire with a bowl of hummus and blue corn chips to watch "Mad About You" episodes.

P.S.- Unless you are Kenyan you have no chance of winning that Cross-Country track tournament tomorrow.

STAR WARS click here:

There are some things that unite nerds of all races. One of those things is being a Star Wars fan. Star Wars has brought onboard many "cool guy" actors (like Harrison Ford) to help you conceal your nerdiness when watching their films. For the black community they included baby-boomer heart-throb Billy Dee Williams. He can't be a nerd, right? I mean, he's a malt liquor selling, ladies man. Wrong. He's a malt liquor-selling, ladies man who starred in a Star Wars movie with a cape.

We're coming for you next samual L. Jackson!

KLINGONS click here:

Ever notice that in the later series of Star Trek the Klingons were disproportionately black? This didn't help with the "black guys as thugs" stereotype, considering that the Klingons were the most warlike. Come to think of it the Ferengis were sorta black to and they weren't trustworhy... Come on Star Trek! What's really going on?

BLACK BART click here:

This is a blast from the past. This is also something that was not only key to ebonerds, but all black people got into these knok-ff "Black Bart Simpson" tee shirts. It was really nerdy when you think about it but it just went with the whole Public Enemy/KRS1 time we were living in.

MALCOLM X GLASSES click here:

This is an unwritten rule, but if you wanna get your ebonerd game on proper & pass yourself off as afrocentric or be a pseudo-intellectual then you must invest in some brother Malcolm glasses immediately.

***FYI, you will actually be able to pull women with this gimmick. especially if you read them while attending an HBCU, sitting under a tree, abstaining from pork and reading W.E.B. DuBois, Nicki Giovanni and/or protesting the treatment of black women on B.E.T... all at the same time.

LEATHER AFRICA MEDALLIONS click here:

Remember when Hip Hop used to uplift the black community and we were all planning to go back to Africa instead of going back to jail? Well if you do then you might remember everyone wearing these necklaces, a la Chuck D from Public Enemy.

CHESS click here:

Chess unites nerdom the world over. As an Ebonerd you have two options to live out your chess glory years. First fo course there is the chess team in high school. Then in your senior years you can join the group of old men who play chess on the street downtown, at the inner-city park, the old folks home or in the local McDonald's. Playing Dominoes and throwing horseshoes are too low brow for a gentleman of your caliber. Plus if you can't beat your competitors just outlive them. Ebonerdom knows no age limits.

WIERD ANIMALS AS PETS click here:

Yes everyone loves pets. The more wealth you attain, the more exotic your possible pet choices. If you are a nerd then those choices get a lot stranger/goofier as well. You also will increase your "treat my pet like a human" factor as well. As you can see, iconic Ebonerd Michael Jackson treats hs dog like a dog. However his mokey appears to be attending pre-school classes on the Planet of the Apes.

P.S.- Don't send me any e-mails correcting me and saying "it's a chmpanzee, not a monkey." I am aware of this. Now return to watching your 72-hour Animal Planet marathon.

ULTIMATE EBONERDOM click here:

Yes, that is a picture of Kanye West shooting some kind of laser gun. If you are an Ebonerd then this photo is probably very exciting to you. Finding this is the black nerd equivalent to discovering that Barack Obama and Oprah Winfrey are your biological parents.

TUCKED-IN T-SHIRT click here:

Yes ladies and gentlemen, that is indeed our president identifying himself as ebonerd by tucking his t-shirt into his pants. You probably thought that Obama is pretty cool. Well he is, however he is still very much an ebonerd at the same time. I think that the best way to describe his particular brand of ebonerd qualities would be "Daddyness." He does a lot of things that makes dads dorks. Things like bicycling around the neighborhood in the men's equivalent of "mom jeans" or wearing sports gear and wearing it the "smart and responsible way." That's what the "daddyness" factor does. It makes you take cool and fun stuff and turn it "responsible, efficient and safe." I wouldn't be suprised if Obama has a pair of New balance sneakers in his closet.

STILL OWNING A BEEPER click here:

You are not a doctor or a drug dealer, so why do you still have a beeper cliped on your Wrangler jeans? Oh, what's that you say? You are a collector of classic communications artifacts? Ah, I see. Spoken like a true Ebonerd.

RIMS ON A PRIUS click here;

THE EDDIE POINT click here:

There are those out there who belive that the "Eddie Point" (formally known as a widows peak)is a handsome attribute like dimples. This may be true if you stay in a Third World Eastern European Country, but here in in America we get a "lining", Borat. Thell your Barber to help you out with keeping back the Barbarian hoards from your hair that are attempting to cross the armistace line and conquer your face. Now for that unibrow...

ASTHMA click here:

Some nerds are born, some nerds are made. If you want to determine if someone is a true blue "born nerd" just check their belongings for an inhaler. Real nerds all have Asthma, or some other condition that excuses them from participating in Gym class.

ANYTHING KANYE WEST click here:

Like it or not Kanye West is the mascot of Ebonerdom in the area of popular youth culture. The aspects of Ebonerdom that he does not presently possess will either be discovered on his next album or when his junior high schoolmate rediscovers those polaroids.

GOLD BRACES click here:

Yet another attempt for an awkward adolescent Ebonerd attempt to blend in with the thuggery of his public schoolmates. No matter how bad you wish that there isn't, there is a big difference between having gold teeth or a gold removable grill and having gold braces. You are not fooling anyone but are rather highlighting the fact that your natural teeth are not only crooked but have a natural yellowish tinge themselves.

Church shoes with white socks

When we were children our mothers gave us three distinct sets of clothes: School clothes, Play clothes and Church clothes. If you wore a uniform then only one of these included white socks... and it definately wasn't the Church clothes.

But you're an ebonerd... you were born to break rules and change the paradigm. Go on and wear those Play socks with those Church shoes... Lord knows that I am as I write this. Keep it nerdy!

SOCKS & SANDALS click here:

On the whole I disagree with the wearing of sandals by men that don't lead livestock through a desert. I figure that if you are wearing socks wit your sandals, then you probably need to and you are protecting the general public from an aesthetic trauma. Gracias hombre.

FREE TOBACCO T-SHIRTS click here:

This one could be on a list "things that make your dad a nerd." This shirt is often paired with green "scrubs" (hospital pants) and white socks with sandals. If this is the Ebonerd look that you are going for then you are obviously a destinguished older man of particular tobacco taste (menthol only...Newports & Kools). You are well travelled, which consists of walking to the corner grocery store daily for a new carton of menthols and jumping up from your desk every 15 minutes for a smoke break. You are a man of comfort and conviction. So when Newport sent you a free t-shirt for your daily patronage you thought "why not show the world that I support my right to darken my lips and via nicotene."

JHERRI CURLS click here:

This one should be an obvious one, but alas it is not. Everyone should know that the notorious Jherri Curl is a bad 80's experiment (like the movie "Wierd Science" or Mickey Rourke's plastic surgery). Funny enough though by the 1990's rappers Eazy-E & Ice Cube still had yet to recieve that memo. But we're in 2010 so everyone should be up to date by now, right? Wrong. As soon as you think something like this you see jherri curls on some choir member at church, a city bus driver or any number of others... all in pursuit of the accursed "Good Hair."

Think people, think.

BOW-TIES click here:

The rule is simple: If you are not a Physicist or a member of the Nation of Islam then you should not be wearing a bowtie.

FORMAL SHOES WITH NO SOCKS click here:

CLICK HERE:

At some point in the future the hoards that refuse to where socks with their "church shoes" will engage in bloody conflict with the masses who wear socks with sandals. Who will win? Only Nostradamus knows (and wikipedia). What I do know is that the winners will be crowned the rulers of social awkwardness and lead us intop a prolongued period of peace and prosperity.